How to Overcome Self-Sabotage while Traveling

How to Overcome Self-Sabotage while Traveling

Greetings from Bucharest!

I’m fresh off an evening run and felt compelled to write this post immediately. Why? Because my routine changed, the conditions changed, and I was starting to let running take a back seat. And from past experience, I recognized that this was a huge warning sign. It also doesn’t help that I’m annoyingly picky when it comes to running as I only like ideal conditions. I mean, who doesn’t right? The early morning dewy air, a cool 60 degrees, maybe a slight overcast, and on a tried-and-true trail is the absolute best!

But everything about my “conditions” was not ideal. I’m in a new country, I don’t know my way around, and it’s hot and humid. Yes, these are all lame excuses but that didn’t stop me from trying to rationalize why I shouldn’t run today. But I knew that if I allowed myself to make these excuses like I have in years past, I would eventually find myself getting nudged off course.

Accountability Matters

This was one of those times when accountability kicked in at the right time. I don’t exactly know why being accountable to someone else is so powerful, but it is, and I’m glad for it. What kept me from missing my run was reaching out to a friend, FFTFL teammate and FFTFL’s Head Coach, Rik. We check-in with each other almost daily to make sure we’re staying on course, or rather, I’m staying on course. I can be the problematic one of this accountability duo. LOL!

I texted Rik to tell him I’m leaving work and heading back to the hotel to run on the treadmill. I thought detailing out the plan would help somehow… Plus, he already knows I don’t like running in the evenings. And the last time I said I was going to run in the evening, I didn’t, so I wasn’t going to lie this time!

Try Listening to a Podcast

The run itself felt easy enough but also seemed unusually long. I’m convinced the distance on the treadmill display never really moves! I decided the music I was playing wasn’t going to cut it this time and switched to a podcast. If you guys haven’t tried listening to a podcast during a run, I highly recommend it! When I start to struggle, listening to a story shifts my focus away and my legs naturally go into auto pilot mode.

Change Your Perspective

Before I knew it, I was done, and that felt incredibly satisfying. Wins come in different forms and this time it came in the form of recognizing that I wasn’t going to let the change in my environment affect the goals I had set out to do. The truth is, we’re constantly hit with distractions and changes in life, but it’s how you respond that makes the biggest difference.

Hope everyone is having a great week! Talk soon.

Follow My Marathon Journey

I’ll be chronicling my journey back to the finish line and I hope you’ll join me! And if any of you out there are looking for a little impulse in your life, I will happily volunteer to give you a little nudge. We can do this together!

Ada Wong was an original FFTFL Team member Runner#4. Learn more about her original journey and being on The Biggest Loser. 

Back to the Finish Line

Back to the Finish Line

Woman Smiling Ada WongHi Everyone! Ada Wong, here. I know I’ve been pretty quiet these past few years and I guess you could say life has kept me busy! Anyway, I’m ready to head back to the finish line and thought reconnecting with this amazing community would be a great place to start!

From Ragnar to IronMan

So what have I been up to? Well, right around the time I was running Ragnar with the team, I was also in the middle of training for an Ironman which the at the time, had no idea how I was going to pull that off! The thing about me is that I’m pretty impulsive. I always sign up to do things on a whim and tell myself I’ll figure it out as I go along. I know that doesn’t always sound like the right approach but for me, it’s worked out more often than not. Impulse gives me courage so without it, I would be too afraid to accomplish anything. My friends (lovingly) call me a scaredy cat, and I don’t disagree. 

Anyway, fast forward to the Ironman…I did it, yay! And from that point on, my running came to a screeching halt. It started as, “oh, I just finished an Ironman and I need a recover to… there aren’t any races in my near future so, why run?” When I finally decided to go on a fun run, I found it to be 100X more difficult than I remembered. I was back at square one again and stayed there for a very long time.

What’s Next?

A few months ago my friends asked if I wanted to run the Chicago Marathon, so naturally, I said yes without giving it much thought. For those of you who don’t know, the Chicago Marathon is a lottery and you first have to sign up to see if you get selected. I was secretly hoping I wouldn’t.

When I received the notification several months later, I didn’t have to read past the first word. It said, congratulations! I decided it was a sign that I should jump back into running. I remember loving the sport and I want to feel that joy again. So here I am again, at square one, taking it one mile at a time.

Follow My Marathon Journey

I’ll be chronicling my journey back to the finish line and I hope you’ll join me! And if any of you out there are looking for a little impulse in your life, I will happily volunteer to give you a little nudge. We can do this together!

I look forward to connecting with all you. Talk soon!

Ada Wong was an original FFTFL Team member Runner#4. Learn more about her original journey and being on The Biggest Loser. 

Body Shaming and Changing the Name of the Game

Body Shaming and Changing the Name of the Game

Recently, a company that shall remain nameless (no need to give them extra publicity), posted one of those “caption this” photos for a contest. The picture featured an overweight athlete in a cycling kit that was ill-fitting. With the man’s belly exposed and the outfit’s jersey riding up, it seemed obvious to everyone what this picture was meant to invite their athletic-based consumer to do: “Let’s have some fun laughing at the fat guy.”

This picture stirred up a storm of a bee’s nest within our own From Fat to Finish Line tribe. Many of us have been fat-shamed at some point in our lives so this picture struck a nerve. The issue then took an even deeper dive downward because instead of acknowledging the (maybe even innocent) ignorance in posting the photo, after many people called out their unkindness in posting it, the company chose to defend it. They claimed there were other ‘silly things’ about the picture including the color of the kit which was blue with a few pink accents. “And, the pink is funny!” And, pink is funny on a guy, why? Don’t get me started on that one! The picture was also supposedly funny because “Look at his feet! The guy is wearing sandals!” Sandals? His sandaled feet could barely be considered part of the picture as they were mostly cut off in the Instagram picture. Interestingly, no one “captioned this” with mention of the hilarious (not) sandals.

The company further argued that the man featured in the picture was OK with how the picture was being used, and even thought it was funny himself. They couldn’t understand why people would be “so sensitive” and thought that all of us ‘sensitive’ folks just got it all wrong. Their blind, unwavering defense and inability to sincerely understand why this might be hurtful was perhaps even more offensive than the actual picture itself and speaks to the greater issue here. Their message is clear, “What’s the big deal of making fun of a fat guy? I mean, he knows we love him. It’s just funny. Lighten up, you.”

This incident, the picture first and the dismissiveness of how upset people got by it second, was a huge trigger for many of us in our community. I heard from members who were so upset that it brought them right back to their feelings of being bullied and pushed into lockers in high school. Once again, many of us were hurt by something that seemed cruel and then further injured when told our feelings about it just didn’t matter. It even unexpectedly brought up my own memories of my own body-shaming moment from grade school.

I was in the seventh grade and I had this “cool” teacher. He rewarded the “pretty girls” with lots of special privileges. In hindsight, this teacher was a creep of the extreme kind, but at the time we didn’t see it that way. I was not considered (nor felt like) one of the pretty girls. I had unruly hair that neither myself nor my mother knew what to do with and I was chubby. At twelve, you’re just kind of learning about yourself. I was already aware that I wasn’t a thin kid but this teacher found a way to make sure I knew it and humiliate me. I found myself remembering the day he told me, in front of the whole class, that I was fat and my jeans were too tight and that I should go on a diet ASAP. The class laughed. I felt the judgment, my own disgust, and I could’ve died. The seventh grader in me was so embarrassed, so ashamed. I was too fat. I felt less-than, not as valuable, or important as the girl sitting next to me. I was second rate if that. The message was clear, because of this body I had, I was not worthy of the special attention of this (creepy) teacher and my peers laughed their agreement with him. I didn’t want to cry in front of the class so I went to the coat closet and tried to cry as discreetly as possible. When I emerged he teased me for crying in the coat closet. He later tried to brush it all off. I was “too sensitive” he was just trying to “give me advice.”

Too sensitive,” my teacher said.  “Too sensitive,” the company mentioned above said. They claimed we got it all wrong. I don’t think so.

It didn’t occur to me at the time but the company was wrong. My teacher was wrong. I believed him and blamed myself for being unlikeable because of my body. For years, I’ve buried this memory and it came flooding back to me last night, days after the “caption this” post went up. I wonder how much of the ‘body shaming’ that happened to me when I was 12 really went on to shape how I see/saw myself. I mean, I’m 44 years old and still want to wear my clothes just a little too big, afraid for people to see my ‘fat’ or be accused of wearing something too tight. All my adult life, I would slink into a bathroom stall to get changed rather than in the open because I’ve always had a deep shame of my body (even at my thinnest). When friends would question my shyness I chalked it up to modesty but it was always because I carried a deep shame of my body. The cellulite, the stretch marks, and the fat; I was convinced it was ugly and embarrassing at best, laughable at worst.

This is why we have to change the narrative and this is why our FFTFL’ers were riled-up enough to stand up to the fat shaming they saw happening with this picture. No one should feel bad about their bodies. I’m learning to love mine. I love this body that has carried me thousands of miles. It is strong, it works hard, and it has put up with a ton of bad choices ranging from the mental beat-ups to the crappy food, cigarettes, and alcohol I once overdid. My body is my friend, not my enemy and I’m sick of feeling shame over it. I am ready to defend it and defending it means not only will I not allow myself to shame my body – I will not allow anyone else to either.

Thankfully, we have so many new role models and movements that are empowering people and challenging attitudes. Thanks to models like Ashley Graham and people like Sunshine, who bravely stood in the middle of a busy street in Chicago in a bikini at 250 pounds, minds are changing. I can’t help but think that if, as a little girl, I saw more positive images of all body types instead of being taught that I was ‘less than’ good enough because of my body, how different things could’ve been. If only I saw people like the FFTFL community, out there running, being strong and accepting themselves, curves, hips, fat, tight pants and all –  I might’ve felt confident, secure, and loved myself enough to look that teacher in the eye and defend myself instead of let him make me crumble in the coat closet. Maybe, more importantly, I wouldn’t have handed him, or anyone else, the power to define me for years.

Woman in bikini in downtown Chicago - Sunshine no body shaming

Sunshine in her bikini in downtown Chicago

Perhaps the best way to stand up to the fat-shaming bullies is to just take that power away. Let’s be badass, proud of who we are, and what our bodies look like. They are our bodies to own and love and they are remarkable. The shamers only win if we allow their opinions to be more important than our own. If we allow the ignorance to continue to wound and win, then that truly is a shame.

Share your thoughts about body shaming in the comments below.

Saying Goodbye to Idealistic Expectations

Saying Goodbye to Idealistic Expectations

It’s my birthday and birthdays are always cause for reflection. Especially when you most likely have more years behind you than in front of you. Two years ago, my then 50 year old body carried me across the finish lines of 2 marathons and a half Ironman distance triathlon. There were so many reasons to rejoice over my accomplishments, and for the most part I did, but the accomplishments were overshadowed by something many of us suffer from: Idealistic Expectations.

I crossed those finish lines at roughly 165 lbs, resulting in a sense of failure that I had not met my 140 lb weight goal. I won my division in that 70.3 triathlon but I joked that it was the chubby, old lady division. The couple years I competed in triathlons I also won the Athena division (165 lbs+) in 2 sprints and an Olympic distance race and I placed 2nd at the Challenge Family US Championships winning a cash prize of $250. Every time I won I’d discount my accomplishment by saying, “Yeah, but I won the fat lady division.” The thing is – I WASN’T FAT. At 165 lbs I look, and more importantly feel, just fine. If fact, I’m a bad ass.

Like so many women, I’ve gained and lost more pounds than I can count. My freshman 15 was more like 30. In my late 20’s, after moving to NYC for a high pressure, 60+ hour a week job, I gained 50 lbs. That’s when I found running. I ran in high school and in college did a 10k for charity where an 80 year old woman beat me, but that running was done against my will. Those years in NYC, logging excessive hours in a soul sucking job while getting yelled at, running was my solace. The only time I can completely quiet my mind is on a long run. It was, and still is, the place I solve most of my problems. Racing with colleagues, we completed the 5 boroughs’ half marathons. Back then there were no finisher medals, you had to be satisfied with your accomplishment.

The next decade of my life was a cycle of being overworked, gaining weight, getting back to running and losing it. I’d get down to 140 lbs then slowly work my way back up before hitting the pavement again. Rinse and repeat.

Then in early 2005 I finally left my job and moved back home to Los Angeles. I started a production company with my brother and we made 2 movies. Movie making is HARD WORK. The hours are insane and when you’re an independent producer you don’t get paid until it’s finished. After the 2nd film I collected a decent paycheck and embarked on a mental and physical health sabbatical. For 4 months I exercised, ate right and spent some time in therapy. Hello 140! In fall 2007 I ran my first races in over a decade. Now they gave you a shiny medal when you crossed the finish line. You could run in Disneyland! It was a new day. But as usual, 140 lb Angela didn’t stay around long. As soon as I started working again a few lbs began creeping their way back in.

I’m not sure why it has taken me so long to realize that 140 Angela is not my friend. She’s a tease and an idealistic expectation. She demands that I exercise too much and walk around hungry and grumpy. Quite frankly, she has probably completely abandoned me in middle age, yet I still yearn for her return. Please, come back. I even saved those crystal emblazoned jeans I had made for you in 1996!

But today, for my 53rd birthday, I’m breaking up with her once and for all. So bye bye 140 lb Angela. Let’s all take a minute and admire her. She was hot.

I’m giving away those crystal emblazoned jeans and that snowboarding outfit on the right. They’re out of style anyway. The number on the scale is bullshit. The numbers that count are numbers like blood pressure, cholesterol, and resting heart rate. Too many of my badass girlfriends are stressed out about some idealistic number on the scale that just isn’t reasonable. We are normal people with normal jobs and regular people metabolisms, not movie stars. So why do we hold ourselves to movie star body images? A good friend of mine quit running a couple of years ago because despite all of her friends saying she looked just fine, after years of training and multiple half marathons she could never lose that nagging 10 lbs. Well guess what happened when she stopped running?

The other night I was talking on the phone with another friend. Sunshine has very publically been on a quest to reach 199 lbs for a few years now. Along the way she has gathered a following in the hundreds of thousands. No pressure, right? Down over 150 lbs, ONEderland seems in sight, but as she gets closer, although not abandoned, it’s becoming less and less important to her. She’s more interested in what her body can do as she gets stronger and healthier and how it’s changing shape as she builds muscle and reaches goals on her journey.

So, I’m taking a page out of Sunshine’s book and focusing on finding balance and goals I can live with long term.

My birthday pledge to myself:

  1. Run! Do it because I love the way it makes me feel, not because it burns calories.
  2. Eat better! Because healthy food fuels my body and gives me energy.
  3. Enjoy treats! Allow myself balance and no guilt when I slip up. That just starts a vicious cycle.
  4. Abandon a weight goal! Who cares what the scale says? My goal is to look good and more importantly, to feel good.
  5. And finally, get back into good enough shape to keep up with FFTFL teammate Teri Brown when we run the Surf City Marathon next February. Because FRIENDS, FITNESS & FINISH LINES are what From Fat to Finish Line is all about.
Starting Anew: When You’ve Been on the Other Side

Starting Anew: When You’ve Been on the Other Side

This is a special post from FFTFL tribe member Lorrie “Hellcat” Bamford and told in her own words.

I just celebrated by 46th year on this planet. I traveled a lot. I ate a lot. I drank a lot. I danced and sang, a lot. I loved a lot. 46 has been a good year. But it has been a good year because of what I’ve learned about myself and life around me.

I headed out this morning to get in a run this first day of being 47 years old. My husband kissed me goodbye and said, as he always does, “Have fun.” I moaned and grumbled because I knew this was going to be hard. I’m not sure if that’s fun. All my runs lately are hard.

But as I ran this morning, I realized many things. Yes, it’s harder. It’s a lot harder with this extra weight. Everything is harder. Climbing stairs are harder. Activities are harder. Running is harder. But it was still fun. My body can do amazing things – even with this extra weight. I’ve wanted to write this blog for some time now. I don’t know why it has taken me so long. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Denial. Hoping “things would turn around” before I had to put it all down on paper – before I had to put into words what I’ve been feeling and living and thinking.

But today, I FINALLY learned and accepted something: ALL that negative chatter – embarrassment, shame, denial, fear of judgment, fear of disappointing people (THE BIGGEST ONE), letting down all those people who have told me how proud they are of me (the logical result is they won’t be proud of me any longer) – it’s all complete bullshit.

Here’s the deal. I’ve gained weight this year. Lots of excuses and reasons: dealing with the emotional side of my completely messed up view of body image and my completely messed up relationship with food, some injuries, but mostly, just letting loose of the restrictive plan I have been on for the better part of a year – and guess what? I’ve gained weight. Not all of it, but enough of it.

I wish I could say (and genuinely mean it), “Who cares? Be happy in your own skin. Be happy with all you are.” But that too is complete bullshit for me. I DO CARE. You see – I HAVE BEEN ON THE OTHER SIDE. Once you have been on the other side, it is really hard to go back and stay there.

When I was well over 330 lbs., I hurt all the time. I was an unhealthy smoker who was miserable and limited in my life. I. Hurt. All. The. Time. I was taking 9 pills a day for many health-related ailments, all related to my weight. That was my reality.

The deception with that life was I didn’t KNOW what it was like to NOT HURT. Does that make any sense? I didn’t know what it felt like to be HEALTHY. I didn’t have anything to compare it to. I figured everyone hurt all the time.

The hard truth now is – I KNOW.

I know what it feels like to be in the best shape of my life. I know what it’s like to wear those size 12 jeans. I know what it’s like to run a 10K at a 10-minute mile and place first in my age division. I know what it’s like to run 26.2 miles and not want to die. I know what it’s like to be off all medications and feel good – every single day.

Today – things hurt. Everything is harder. Running is harder. Boxing is harder. Burpees are harder, almost impossible to do, but definitely harder. Everything is harder. I now know everything that hurts in my body. I am ACUTELY aware of every single part of my body.

The REAL DANGER of being back on this side is you STILL HAVE TO focus on THE GOOD of your body. I need to LOVE my body, regardless. It truly is a danger zone because if you constantly focus on the negative bullshit voice, you’ll continue to punish yourself with negative choices and never make your way back. When I was at the top of my game – even with all those good things mentioned above – even with running a 10K at a 10-minute pace with ease…. Even looking like this:

Lorrie Bamford 10K

ALL I could think about was getting under 200 pounds. I still felt like a failure because I wasn’t less than 200lbs. I couldn’t appreciate the muscle mass, the body build that I have, the amazing level of health I had attained – I couldn’t see any of that. I was not in ONEderland (under 200 lbs) and therefore, I was not whole. I was not a success… yet.

I couldn’t appreciate where I was and all that I had accomplished and that I was as healthy as I had ever been. It wasn’t enough. All I obsessed about was that number. The reality was – no matter WHAT that number says, it would not have been good enough.

I would have wanted it to be less. I could have gotten under 200lbs and that would not have been good enough. Until I fix what’s in my head about my body and my relationship with food – nothing will ever be good enough.

Why? Because I had/have negative body image. And still do – it’s probably something I will always struggle with on some level.

I started therapy for binge eating disorder because I thought it was about the food and mind over matter. No, it’s about loving myself, my body, perfectionism, creating boundaries, and healing my relationship with food.

So…. How can we get and maintain a positive body image? First, remember this: NOTHING can take away what you’ve accomplished. Gaining weight does not erase the great things I have gained: my health, getting off all medications, being the first woman to win the Homeland Get Healthy Challenge, running not just one, but TWO full marathons last year, running two Ragnars, dancing, boxing, and still being a quitter – a quitter of tobacco. I hope that I motivated others to take control of their health and make choices to be healthy and alive! And these are just the health-related milestones.

All those things still happened. And NOTHING can take any of that away. Those things can still be celebrated – ALL of our victories on this journey must be celebrated and CAN NEVER be taken away.

Lorrie Bamford race medals

Second, once you’ve been on the other side of health, it’s hard to keep going down the path of unhealthy choices. You can for a bit, but you can feel every single pound. You can feel every single choice. Weight aside, I just feel awful when I am not eating real food and not fueling my body properly and not loving my body properly as it DESERVES. Love your body, appreciate your body, feed your body and treat it with kindness.

Third – our bodies are AMAZING. NO MATTER WHAT the scale says – our bodies can do amazing things – whether it’s walking, climbing, or running. I can still run. My pace has suffered – but I CAN STILL RUN. There will be a day when I can no longer run… Today is not that day.

So, in summary – I’ve been on the other side. If you haven’t – know this – it is an amazing place to be. And I will get back there. BUT THIS TIME – I want to truly appreciate that level of health. I no longer will obsess over being in the ONEderland (weighing less than 200lbs). I’m not a petite gal, and I never will be. And that’s OK – I am strong. I am fierce. I may not be the fastest, but I can run. I can climb. I can live healthy and feel my best. That’s what matters. Loving my body for what it CAN DO. Staying off all those medications (which I am). Staying away from tobacco (which I have), and celebrating every little life achievement. And APPRECIATING every single achievement.

If it feels good – it is good. And no number on the scale can take that away. My path to wellness continues. It’s been physical, spiritual, and an emotional/mental quest. It’s ALL related, and it’s ALL connected. One piece can’t work without the other. For some, it comes easy. I’m not one of those. It’s been a long, hard road – but one I’m committed to staying on. The journey continues… I don’t know where it will take me. I know where I’ve been – and I want that back. And this time – I want to appreciate it and celebrate it. One day at a time. So, I’m on my way back. I want that level of health – not because of the principle of gravity, but because I felt good. I know what it’s like to feel bad – and to feel good – and I want to feel good, again.

Read Lorrie’s original blog post.

Starting Anew: An Update from Runner #3 – Lealah Shahin

Starting Anew: An Update from Runner #3 – Lealah Shahin

Greetings FFTFL readers! I am honored to be able to contribute an update on my life since the filming of FFTFL. Forewarning: I know a lot of people hope to hear that after such a life changing event such as massive weight loss that nothing but sunshine and roses follow. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, I truly feel that sharing our experiences can help those who are struggling and hope my update may guide you to your own self-accountability.

Lealah in 2012 weightloss goal

Lealah in 2012 at her weightloss goal.

Following the race and filming of the From Fat to Finish Line documentary (a truly awesome experience), I started hitting obstacles in my weight loss maintenance. I began getting injured (probably from overtraining) and I had to really rein in my running. I also struggled with personal issues and depression. I had new battles with my eating habits. Due to marathon training, I had been able to eat whatever I wanted for quite some time. I started to realize that while yes, I had grown and changed for the better tremendously, losing weight did not fix everything. Imagine that! Even though I worked on my self-esteem and confidence while losing weight, I continued to be my own worst enemy.

I decided that I would focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle while pursuing something new and unrelated to weight loss. I needed to stop obsessing on my physical self and start bettering myself in other areas – so I went back to school. Accounting seemed like the obvious choice since I worked in finance at my office and actually liked my job. I studied nonstop. Not only did I go full out nerd, actually enjoying the material, but I was driven by my need to do my absolute best. Unfortunately, I had little time to dedicate to my workouts and unhealthy foods became SUPER convenient.

This continued until October 12, 2015. On this day, my entire life shattered and I was left broken. My little brother chose to end his own life on this day. I will spare you the horrific details, but if you or someone you know has been affected by suicide, my detailed posts about suicide, the months following, and my path to coming back from the nightmare can be found on my personal blog. Please feel free to read it if you feel it could help.

I will leave the recap as this: I by far encountered the darkest era of my life and found the darkest corners of my mind. I had to do some serious soul searching and come to some life-changing realizations before I could escape the darkness. All my life, I have tried to look for the good in things, to find light in everything and to always have hope. My brother’s death collapsed all light for me. For some time afterward, all I could see was darkness.My heart may never be free of the ache left by my brother’s death, but I am okay with that. Every experience is one of learning, and I wish with all my might that I had learned some lessons differently; however, I will not allow his death to be in vain. I am realizing even darkness has beauty.

Lealah Shahin at the From Fat to Finish Line film premiere in Nashville, TN.

Lealah with friends after her first marathon in 2012.

I have had to come to terms with the fact that I have been unaligned for quite some time. Maybe I achieved physical health and fitness, but what about my mental, spiritual, and emotional health? I started the work, but I never actually dedicated myself to strive for alignment. But, now is the time. It’s time to think healthy thoughts, to be in sync with myself and my purpose, to allow the responsibility of my peace and joy to fall on myself, not on my expectations of self and others. It’s time to be healthy inside as well as outside. It is time to be the best me I can and let all of the other junk just be stripped away. I want to be a better person and to benefit my fellow man.

These realizations came to me through meditation, yoga, and lots and lots of soul searching. I have a new plan for getting back on track and regaining health, in all realms. I have allowed myself to stray from focusing on health and have dealt with some road blocks that have made me want to give up on everything.

As far as weight loss goes, I am up somewhere between 40-45 pounds, but I am trying to not get wrapped up in the scale and numbers again. That obsession will not benefit me either. I am getting back to a healthy way of eating, back to my workouts (slowly due to having a ton of back issues this past year), and a stronger commitment to my yoga and meditation sessions.

I will never find meaning in my life until I am in touch with and content with myself. The best part is that I am not starting from scratch. I have learned much and grown tremendously from ALL my experiences. It’s not enough though, there are still more experiences to have and more lessons to learn.

It’s time for Round 2.